So like

Dead because we're dead.

That's why.

Feelin' good dying on this mattress though.

No future because I didn't make one.

Uh one two.

No future because there ain't one.

Scumbags with doctorates.

Or almost anyway.

I'm gettin' tired of me too.

Furniture face, we forget what you look like
until it's time to move on.

Phrases lodged in your brain that aren't quotes or meaningful snippets, what a disease though. Today I have the words 'stochastic recursion procedure' in there. Which doesn't even really make sense, I'm not sure you could apply something recursive and also have it be stochastic. I guess you could continually take the statistical average of something and plug it back in to the function and come out with another value that you then apply some kind of stochastic thing to and then plug it in bla bla, but there'd be no determinate result. Or it would be determinate but it wouldn't be the same every time. Maybe that's alright then.

Stochastic recursion procedure.


Oh I just looked it up, apparently there is something called recursive stochastic procedure theory. I don't really know why I assumed that you couldn't apply recursive things to statistical things, that doesn't even make sense. Anyway.


Rambling man rambles, news at nine.

Furniture face I like that.

"He had lips like a table leg"


Petulant today we are I am.

Give up on everything, no surprise I gave up on you. Never fought for a thing, and never got a thing I fought for. Weird little worlds fletching into each other like feathers in an arrow lodged in a chest of the man that made 'em. God today, God in my life today. God's got less self control than you'd think, he made everything and didn't stop on any of the days he still makes things daily.

Need medication tonight to keep the things in me at bay today tonight alright! Need a drink tonight need a warm thing beside me tonight need a long loud noise to dull the things in while I work tonight need work to mean what it should. Not tonight.

Yeah there's probably something to it.

The different headers

Short Dialogue

Short Dialogue

Short Dialogue

Short Dialogue

Short Dialogue

Short Dialogue

Short Dialogue

Short Dialogue
Short Dialogue

Furniture face, his eyes were like a credenza.

They contained movies and old photos that no one ever looked at?

Yeah. Something like that.

Alright.



Furniture face he had ears like a lawn chair.

He was deaf so they were made of plastic and had spiky parts if you smashed them hard on the ground when you beat him up because you didn't like deaf people.

Alright, jeeze, relax.



Furniture face because you walked in and kicked your boots off and they bounced of his chin and the little bits of rock and salt dusted against his lips but he was silent like a furniture face, his face furnitured. He was a furnished apartment you lived in when you felt like it but no one paid rent because that world was Berlin squatting free for all his furniture face.


Alternate chapter headings for Ecce Homo: Why I am so turgid, Why I bake the best cakes, Why I was late for dinner that one time and didn't say anything even when you asked.



I worship your God on laundry days and when I'm sleeping in. That's my way of the ninja.



Whiskey crutch leg hobblers racing to the bottom groveling beneath bar stools looking for quarters nobody lost because it's too early in the day and the sun glints off the brass rail bad enough to blind them. Quit while you're behind, shoulda hadda been deads by now you deads already.


No future because every experience of the present is already memory, at least brainwise no maybe not I don't buy it and I don't buy you. Take me on a date, take me out of town, take me down to the river to pray and I'll pray and mean it because water moving makes me feel the Holy Ghost deep inside me perverted and delight.


Stupid face, his face reminded everyone of the time in class when they said the wrong answer brilliantly wrong like calling the teacher Mom, that sort of thing. His face had a face that reminded you of the worst bad moments like that alright.


History face he had a history face like England the land and soil all caked up in him bloody and hate-filled and blood pudding and blood sausage and bad sausage not even cooked in the right grease. He had a history face like the England. His history face was sour and sad and made you want to start everything over again. Yes it did. We saw him that day he got that face and it broke your heart two ways in two.

He used to be that beautiful but now hes that ugly.

A tale of two furnitures and the faces they were.

I like writing bad today, the difference is that my normal writing is bad anyway but there's a little sliver of effort mixed in there that makes me feel like it shines infinite bright like dust dots in the sky all far away and old and dead by now by the time their lines of photons plunk into mine eyes. The differences there.

He pulled out the end of the screwdriver and he couldn't believe it but the blood made a noise when it shot out. He was covered in scraplets of fur and he felt bad but what was he supposed to have done what do you think he still wanted to be alive. And that was a nice good thing even in the horror of it.

I could never kill someone not in the calculated way, I could and probably would in a war but it would never leave me, obviously. I guess that's an obvious easy thing to say, that's true of most people.


One thing I'd like to understand this week is Skolem's 'paradox' though I guess it's not really a paradox, just an interesting weird theorem.

For the second chapter of my thesis I think my idea is to argue that Hilbert's initial approach to axiomatics tried to be radically relational/structural in a new way but that it also snuck in these vague ontological underpinnings in bad ways. So Frege mended the bad parts in his suggestions but no one really took him seriously. Anyway, the subsequent history I'm not sure of. I doubt I'll get into the Brouwer stuff at all because I think for my purposes at least Brouwer is just a bad recapitulation of Frege's criticisms, and really Hilbert's later formalism stuff with stroke symbols is the more proper analogue to the set theoretic developments in that it 'grounds' the relational stuff in a way that he didn't really do in the 1899 stuff. I guess after that I will move into set theory and I want to argue that all the set-theory stuff was based on the idea of grounding all the relationality of the Hilbert approach in one particular universe, the universe of sets, and that this universe is/was fundamentally grounded in an object-oriented ontology so that it can't really take the relational aspects of mathematics serious because in a certain sense those parts aren't 'real' or important once the reduction to sets has taken place alright okay let's go!

Actually that's a really good way to go about it: Hilbert 1899-Frege criticisms of Hilbert and his 'alternative'- then formalism Hilbert - then set theory.

Because if I set it up that way, once I get to chapter three I can just set up the Benacerraf problems with the set theoretic reduction like straightaway, without having to reintroduce all the history of set theory stuff and what the reduction means. One problem with that, though, is that when I get to the category theory stuff I'll have to go back in time and spell out the history of like Klein's Erlanger Program, the development of group theory, and then up to the 40s until 1945 Mac Lane and Eilenberg and 'natural transformations' and adjoint functors bla bla. Maybe thats a good way to do it though because it shows kind of the distinct lineage of that approach in the 'algebraic' history side of things, even though of course lots of the developments in geometry are related to category theory too, especially the Riemann type moves to n-dimensional manifolds, and I imagine that Klein's stuff was really influenced by that too. But I don't know.


Also, I really really like the idea of suggesting that Skolem's paradox is basically a really cool early version of Benacerraf's problems that no one wanted to deal with for like 40 years.


Yeah I want to do hug production with you so you are the you that your breasts are pressed up against my chest and I can feel your breath against the tendons and skin of my neck and I'm so nervous because I'm an idiot that can't see when you're so in love with me it makes you dizzy and sick inside and crushes you the few times when I'm so sick inside and dizzy that I can't bear to look at you and you take it as a sleight or lack of interest. But really it's the God you're beautiful I want to never be alive or have been alive because it's so impossible for things to happen and I can't imagine lifting a single centimeter of space to reach out and yell in your face that you're the only reason that life was created and that I'm the only reason we can see just for this one thing so immense and impossible that logic fought against and God lobbied for in the council of common sense. He's alright, God, you and your everything beautifuls, you and you're beautiful perfect perfect, the future that you are, dense dense dense. Alright. I imagine skins of someone against skins of me. Well one skin, two with mine yes. Yes I've felt that brief and poison and it didn't pan out and yes I'll felt that again, felt it like a hat and go mad from the mercury, that's what love is. A beautiful mad rot fermenting and coalescing and world-making in your lungs so that you choke on it deep to death God so perfect that love is. I only want that. Once just. Only once just for a shake and I'll die alone miserable and perfect happy beatific crystal vibrating music of the spheres or down to the dark things and the dark people and the wrongs ways of life even that I'd do for once just having that once. God. Little drops of mad God against logic for love once.


Most days everything recedes Doppler effect redshift. A few days are static like river stones thousands of years silent. Even rarer days than those there are though.


I appreciated that we could think of light and microwaves and radio and x-rays and gamma rays and all the bits in between. If everything moves away from just you you are the center of the universe. Imagine everything moving equally away from everything else what kind of space is that.


Do you know much about Kurt Gödel? He is a very interesting person. Well, I don't know that his biography was all that interesting, he was introverted and really extremely shy, but the life of his mind was fascinating and I would even say profound. Well he was an Austrian logician, I don't know when he died, I will look. Hold.

1978. So that's an idea of when he was alive. Anyway, when he was pretty young, 25 or so he published a paper, in 1930 or 1931 I think, called "On Formally Undecidable Propositions in Principia Mathematica and Related Systems". Now it sounds pretty specific but really it isn't at all. Basically what it proved was that all the attempts to prove the completeness of simplistic logical and mathematical systems of certain types was impossible. When I say 'simplistic' I mean pretty simplistic too, basically his stuff applies to any branch of mathematics that can include the arithmetic of the natural numbers. So stuff like 0, 1, 2, 3 .... with addition only. So not complex stuff. Anyway what he showed in that paper was that given any system like that, with some also really basic logic, it is possible to construct sentences which you cannot ever decide whether they are true or not. Which seems crazy, because it seems like with such a small amount of math, there couldn't possibly be things you could formulate that you couldn't be sure if they were true or not, even in principle. But that's what he proved. He basically undermined the work of thousands of logicians and mathematicians overnight, his achievement was kind've the equivalent of Einstein's introduction of the special and then the general theory of relativity. Later on he also proved a bunch of other absolutely central things in logic and mathematical logic. I just find that neat that he was so young and he basically provided a result that all future systems of logic and mathematics have to accept. He actually proved an equally important though less negative result (the completeness theorem for first order logic) in 1929. Maybe that's not all that interesting I don't know. I also really like a lot of the things that he says about philosophy, he has some interesting things that he never published really in a book of conversations with this other mathematician logician named Hao Wang. He kind of makes me feel religious when I think about his ideas, in a good way that doesn't seem fake or mean spirited or shallow or empty. I like that, I get that from Leibniz too sometimes. You kind've have the feeling of a great soul deigning to enter the world that I also happen to have been thrown into, like a real gift.

It makes me sad at the same time.


Sleeping at a hundred miles an hour
like a bat outta hell

on my new dream cloud stiff board mattress result
Result



the only thing better





I like feeling desire like a pain ache dull ache sharp sometimes madness at night. I like having desires. The un-Buddhist in me is the most me but the least too because not often am I like that. Dust against the grain, loess in the lungs breath it in and it builds up like silt sedimented to get your fighting weight up the only way if you don't eat, fatso.



Becoming frail and weird a welter weight in the maelstrom

stuck on you like eye lash falsies after a late night of whoring for free

pubic shelf

Mons Pubis, Olympus Mons.

Little morphisms there little ones meaningless flips.


I would one day like to be an anatomy knowledgeable so that I could use terms like Krause corpuscles and say things like "try and release as much of my 5-hydroxytryptamine as you can, I'm going to contract my the bulbourethral glands. Let's go! Sexual scientism.


Eroticles.
Pentacles pentacost.


I love the very idea of loess. It's so thin and light and everywhere.


Stupid furniture face you were made by a kid and everything is all loose and knobbly and no one wants to sit close to you because you might fall over and crush them, furniture face like your fat refrigerator body lumpy and proletarian in the wrong ways and the right ways like your furniture face that you wedge into doorways to see who is talking about you.