we forgetts

the one who feels like an eyeball surveying because there aren't any things to touch worth touching so he looks at everything and evaluates it from nothing and no criteria for nobody and with no result

that's the little short story of my life these days ok!

foregoing the forgiveness id bleed all over your new dress just from spite and the will to spite

but im barely enough like that
sorry
the life well lived isnt even a revenge
thats the lesson there aint a lesson
just move on ramble on roll over someone else like a steamcloud searing the ends of their hairs and then slowly the surface of the skin will bubble and crack and regret will seep into them too but youll still be beautiful and by then youll be in another town another life another person
okay its okay but we dont know why



for some reason its okay for you to be a bad person and forget about it all the time
i dont know why
its alright though
youre beautiful we all have our own horribles inside if it makes me a sucker to not hate you its fair because i am a sucker right
its okay because one time someone like me loved someone like you so the little objects that make me up could have fit into the little objects that make you up even if i couldnt see them all the right ways okay

i only miss you when i hate myself so what does that mean
(nothing good!)


im in a good mood today
i can only live without her
weird weird weird endings




im glad i made a real new friend too
new things !


i cant hide from life anymore
i tried and it didnt work out and i pretended too much but i suck at pretending!

im in a good mood today.
been feelin it for days alright okay
yes yes yes





i just want to wake up beside someone i love for a year or so
and have minor little errands and a not too taxing job
in an okay city where i eat okay food

but
its gonna be some kinda crazy journey that gets me any of that stuff haha
im not eloquent or anything today i dont care i just feel like writing out whatever little things are in my brain today okay



i dont know what it is about me but i feel really craving for physical things lately
like a hug or
like making out with someone
or making someone smile lying beside me in the dark
i like those kinds of things more lately probably because i dont really have them but normally i get all closed off when im lonely this time im too open to everything a little bit
but thats okay
i have a while to be alive
long or small bouts of solitude and loneliness are good things i think
i just hope the next non solitude thing doesnt involve long distances and weird dramatics that i dont understand because im too blind to everything because im naive or whatever

i still like being naive though i dont want to be adult about love because that would be me being fake alright



whatever
little smiles here and there
thats enough for now
okay probably i will go to sleep now
im going to try and dream about: being inside of a giant carpet and climbing up the hairs and watching the giant people's television while they are out at work


dont be too hard on yourself, you're very interesting, and beautiful, and funny. thats really all there is to life. oh also, you are a good who is sympathetic and kind to people (im not those things, yet!). thats something also. ok!


Today: I believe in God, and I forgive him because I know he feels bad and he's lonelier than I even can be, even if I don't care. Sorry for all the mean things I thought about you sometimes, you forgive me too.